Under my current circumstances I feel backed against a wall. I always thought it was my current choice of profession, but now I disagree. My conclusion is…it is me. My choices. I have chosen to live in a bubble, a comfort bubble. There is an experiment brewing on the horizon. Traveling with only the little that is truly worthy of being carried.
‘Maybe nothing will come of it,’
says Nancy, the negative voice that protects her homestead deep in my gray matter.
‘Maybe it will be something that changes every aspect of my current perspective.’
says Ray, the Perpetual sunbeam that shines out of my ass.
My parents will think I am crazy. My fashion friends will ask where I will store my shoe collection. What would happen if I untethered myself from the brick and mortar oasis? The once glimmering mirage has lost its luster. Dutifully fulfilling my sentence in suburbia. My two minds are at odds with each other daily. I love the luxuries of life more than the next person. More is more when it comes to chasing the finer things in life. Chuck Palahniuk expresses the realization best in, ‘Fight Club’,
“We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.”
My codependence on my things is palpable, without them is the fear of the unknown. How things have changed. Once upon a time full of teen angst, my imagination painted pictures of never settling down. Vibrant pictures of living out where the real winds blow. In the unknown territory of my adult psyche, ideas disguised as dogma from my past linger. This nagging sensation has been lying dormant and lost its patience. Or I am relishing in outdated ideas that don’t serve me any longer?